


Mr. Monk is Mortified

by Konbini



Category: Monk (TV)
Genre: Discussions of sex, Embarrassment, First Time, M/M, Milk kink, Monk/Trudy goes without saying, Mr.Monk's Favorite Show, Page 73, Pegging, Salacious, mortification, s08e01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26667346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konbini/pseuds/Konbini
Summary: Monk comes up to them and rips the book from Disher's hand. Looks desperate to defend Christine Rapp before he sees what's on the page 73.His eyes scan briefly and Leland waits for the other shoe to drop."Oh." Monk says, a little contrite and exceedingly defensive, "Even Trudy and I did tha - "Monk yelps and drops the book - probably about the time he's reached the part about the breast milk. But Leland doesn't notice because his ears go fuzzy as the blood rushes through them and he knows his face is flushed.Even Trudy and I did that.Monk accidentally reveals something he would have rather not.
Relationships: Adrian Monk/Leland Stottlemeyer
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Mr. Monk is Mortified

It's honestly a surprise - and also kind of not - when Leland learns of Monk's new obsession.

It's a surprise because Christine Rapp is the kind of woman Leland _would_ spare an extra thought for in his private time and it's a novel idea to imagine Monk might share any of his tastes.

It's not a surprise because Monk obsesses and is woefully blind at times - predictably only liking Christine Rapp for the little girl she played - wholesome and smiling like everything is right in the world. Cathy Cooper.

Her autobiography is going to devastate him. A normal man or woman's autobiography would - probably. But when Natalie mentions the filth of it - well, Monk going into catatonic shock isn't out of the question.

She directs their attention to page 73.

"Is that even possible?" Disher asks, sliding his sunglasses off to look again as if he can't trust his sight, voice deepening at the thought of whatever it is - which is Leland's first warning.

Disher is perpetually turned on by any small mention of sex, but there's very little that shocks him.

"This is going to kill Mr. Monk. He's her biggest fan." Natalie says.

Leland grabs the book and reads the page.

And - yeah. It's a little out there. Shocking. Christine Rapp pegging a starkly overwritten effeminate man and then letting a third character suckle from her still milk-producing breasts.

Leland feels slightly embarrassed even reading it. He's suddenly glad Monk is still preoccupied with trying to catch peeks of Ms. Rapp through the wreckage of her car. Never shall the twain meet and all that. Some other detectives come up to Monk and blessedly distract him.

Leland thumps the book against Randy's chest - who's barely able to catch it, who waggles it in his hands when he does and finds the page.

"Page 73, huh? Wait until Monk gets a load of this."

They don't see or hear Monk approach before he is ripping the book out of Disher's hands. By how upset he is Leland can guess what the other detectives were talking about and wants to sigh heavily. It's obvious he's heard the general contents of the book and can't bring himself to believe or accept it. Monk looks desperate to defend Christine Rapp before he even sees what's on the page.

His eyes scan briefly and Leland waits for the other shoe to drop.

"Oh." Monk says, a little contrite and exceedingly defensive, "Even Trudy and I did tha - "

His eyes make it to the end of the page. Monk yelps and drops the book - probably about the time he's reached the part about the other man and the breast milk. But Leland doesn't notice because his hearing goes fuzzy as the blood rushes through his ears and he knows his face is flushed.

_Even Trudy and I did that._

It seems Randy is having the same reaction, looking at Monk with renewed scrutiny and - damn him, really - adjusting himself.

Even Natalie is looking with something like prurient interest as Monk pales and his expression shutters.

God bless Natalie - who begins damage control immediately while Leland and Randy stand stricken dumb with their mouths fallen open.

"Oh - Mitch and I were quite adventurous too, at least I thought, but - "

Still - _Even Trudy and I did that._

"Natalie." Monk squeaks quietly, voice painfully cracking like he's dying.

It's a rebuke to make her stop but Monk doesn't really want her to stop and she seems to sense that. He just wants her to change direction.

"But it's no time for talk! There's a crime scene going cold, and we really should get to it."

Natalie excuses them and Monk doesn't even dare look back at them - he won't even look at Natalie. He ducks his head when she tries to catch his gaze and she seems to give up as they jaunt over to the wreckage.

Later, Natalie recounts his thoughts to them as Monk waits in the car, hand up to his face to screen him from their sight.

After they drive off Disher looks at him slyly in a way that spells trouble and says,

"Do you think - "

"Can it, Lieutenant." Leland says sternly.

Which works, except for wiping Disher's shit-eating grin from his face.

So - Monk and _Sex_. It's not like Leland didn't know that Monk had been happily married for the better part of a decade. When he stooped to think about it - and he had tried not to but his curiosity made it difficult - he imagined something decidedly vanilla and soft.

That Trudy was in control and dictated the pace was without question. Leland had pictured lovemaking and soft pleases spilling from Monk's mouth, Trudy petting his hair. Monk endlessly trying to please her.

Strangely - knowing this new fact doesn't really change that. It just puts a new spin on it. Monk is still soft and vanilla, it's still lovemaking and pleases spilling from Monk's mouth when Leland pictures it. Monk still endlessly trying to please.

Monk's tolerance of the mechanics of it is a little mystifying. But perhaps the clinicalness of the preparation - sterile, medical grade lube rather than bodily fluid, makes it make sense. About as much sense as Monk tolerating sex in the first place, at any rate.

So no - this new fact doesn't change all that much. Only, it kind of changes everything.

The biggest change is the heat that passes him through him when he considers it. Some desperate yearning mottled through with hope. Because Leland could.

Leland could give him that.

Leland phones - a couple of times. He only ever reaches Natalie and since there isn't a new case Monk is perpetually 'busy at the moment'. Whether he's given up on Christine Rapp's case or not Leland doesn't know.

Leland could show up at his door but that might send the wrong message. He doesn't want Monk to feel trapped. Still, though, they need to meet sometime.

A new case is neutral enough ground that Leland is almost relieved when one requiring Monk's expertise comes in. Well, maybe saying requiring is stretching the truth - but it's a way to get him in. He brings the Christine Rapp file with him to hand off to Monk.

Before Monk gets there he sidles up to Randy and gives him a look which makes Randy straighten immediately.

"Look," He starts - before Randy talks over him.

"Captain, _please_. I want to say something about-" He glances around furtively first then lowers his voice," _you-know-what_ but I promise I won't say anything. Because I know it will make him uncomfortable. I'm not heartless."

It's about as much tact as Randy has ever shown. But, then again, Leland has noticed when it comes to woman in particular Randy has become more....mature, has shown more consideration. For instance, although blatantly interested in Natalie he's been able to reign that in given her disinterest. With Sharona he'd been all pulling pigtails. That Randy's able to extend the same courtesy to Adrian Monk is liable to make Leland respect how far Randy's come. From bumbling and transparent to self assured and compassionate.

Leland thought he'd never see the day.

He clears his throat.

"Okay." he says, "well, thank you for that."

Randy nods and smiles and opens his mouth to say something that will probably ruin it all so Leland stops him before he can. Pokes a finger goodnaturedly at his chest.

"No smiles, Randy, I am serious."

Leland has the Christine Rapp file ready to hand off to Natalie.

It takes a long few moments for Natalie to convince Monk to get out of the car. Even after he does he doesn't look at any of them. Studiously ignores them in fact. Natalie at least isn't getting the same treatment anymore and that's something.

Natalie makes a weird little hand wave at them that Leland takes to mean 'act normally'.

After a stern look at Randy - who wipes the small smirk off his face - they make their way over. Monk turns and completely walks the other way. He makes a convoluted oval over to the crime scene - walking even through something that might loosely be termed 'mud'.

Randy makes to surge forward before Leland stops him with a hand to the chest as Natalie covers her hand with her eyes in exasperation.

Monk spends four minutes at the scene - walks back in the same stilted manner. It's awkward and ungainly. He motions Natalie forward and whispers in her ear. He makes the mistake of looking up and straight into Leland's eyes.

Monk's face turns red. He's frozen for a long second as their eyes connect and then he does almost everything to hide his face except shutter it with his hands.

Leland wants to sigh, almost wants to smile in amusement. Instead he focuses on appearing as non-threatening and non-judgemental as he can. Neutral all the way.

"See you at the next one Monk." Leland says softly but firmly, tries to sound normal but doesn't quite cut it.

Randy's mouth starts to quirk up so Leland jabs him with an elbow.

They let Monk edge awkwardly to the car without responding and disappear inside it. Natalie shrugs in apology, accepts the file Leland hands to her.

"Any insights on the Christine Rapp case?" Leland asks.

"No." Natalie sighs, "He's just been watching reruns all week. I just want to give him a hug."

"So did he find out who the killer is?" Randy asks and points in the direction of the crime scene.

"He says it's the mother."

"The _mother_?" Randy says in disbelief, shaking his head in incredulity. "That is ice cold."

Leland is not a patient man.

He sees it stretching before him - case after case after case. Cases in which Adrian will not look him in the eye.

He tries to use the techniques he's learned in anger management. Delaying reaction.

Delay until just after the next case.

It's difficult and Leland hates it. Has always hated waiting. He's a man of action.

But he commits to trusting in the process and promises himself to delay until after the next case - until after the next time he sees Monk.

It turns out he doesn't even have to wait that long. It's the middle of the night when he hears a frenzied knock on his door.

Monk is wearing his brown sports coat, but underneath that - pajamas. It's obvious he's taken a cab.

He swallows hard, doesn't look Leland in the eyes, as he presses softly against the door - his version of pushing his way inside.

Leland acquiesces and moves aside to let him in.

"I- uh- couldn't sleep -and I was watching a rerun - Broken arm, Broken H-" Monk pauses very tellingly, and Leland wonders what it means, "-eart. Broken Heart."

Leland clears his throat and blinks the sleep out of his eyes.

"Um, okay." He says.

Monk holds out a dvd set around the same time Leland notices Monk only has his slippers on.

"You couldn't just bring the one dvd case?" Leland chuckles.

Monk is too excited that he's solved the case, so excited that his self-consciousness has eased. He ambles over to Leland's entertainment center and inserts the disk.

And there - yes. On her cast written in red. The evidence they need.

"Well damn." Leland says.

"You see we had the evidence we needed all along." Monk says excitedly, and he's looking at Leland then.

They don't quite have the motive yet but after some discussion Monk feels it has to lie with her victim, Victor Timlinson.

Leland feels happy and punch drunk with the development - with Monk looking at him openly, sharing a smile.

"We'll pick her up tomorrow. Great work, Monk. Really." Leland says as he slaps a hands down on Monk's shoulder.

And that unfortunately breaks the spell.

Monk hunches in on himself, blushes furiously and angles his face away. But he doesn't completely turn away and that's something.

Leland keeps his hand there - just on Adrian's shoulder.

"It doesn't...change anything." Leland eventually says.

He watches Adrian struggle to rally a response.

"do you -" Adrian tries again, "- do you still respect me?"

"Adrian," Leland says and pulls forward a little to try and get him to look at him, "You are the best detective I have ever known, the best man. Nothing could change that. Certainly not something as trivial as preferences."

He deliberately doesn't include the word sexual.

"You...really don't mind?" Adrian mumbles uncharacteristically.

Leland squeezes Adrian's shoulder, and after an aborted first attempt finally manages to draw him into a hug. Monk shuffles awkwardly but then - the sweet moment - melts into it.

When they finally pull away Adrian is still blushing, but there's a twinge of unhappiness there - hesitation.

"What - what is it?" Leland asks.

"It's not only - that." Adrian frowns unhappily, wrings his hands in front of himself.

It has an air of coming clean about it that causes Leland to freeze. Makes something hopeful flare in his chest.

"It's...more than just that. Leland it's -" Adrian doesn't state it outright - that he's not the straight macho man that other men expect - but Leland can guess, "...and it's not just that either. It's also that I....and you. I...you."

He struggles and Leland tries his best to help, smooths a hand down Adrian's arm.

"What?" Leland says softly, a little teasing, "You heart me?"

Adrian looks overwhelmed, his eyes begin to tear.

"Don't tease me." Adrian says, small and hurt.

"I'm not." Leland says seriously - or tries to but he can't quite keep the amusement out of his voice, "Adrian I'm not."

It's difficult to infuse his usual authority in there when he feels this happy.

Adrian has a crush on him.

Adrian is in love with him - has to be or he wouldn't have mentioned it at all.

Leland caresses the shell of Adrian's ear. It's ridiculous and romantic. After he breaks the seal he can't seem to keep his hands to himself. He touches Adrian's face, the juncture of his neck and shoulder, presses a thumb into his clavicle before bringing it back up to rub at Adrian's jaw.

With each touch Adrian seems to calm more, seems to become more convinced this isn't some strange attempt at bullying.

Soon Leland's thumb comes to rest at Adrian's lips. Adrian's eyes are dark and liquid when he looks at him. His lips feel soft against Leland's thumb. And then shortly after that he is kissing those lips.

It's soft, sweet. The bit of wetness as their lips slide together is erotic in a way that sends a flicker of heat down Leland's spine. Leland pulls back to try and quell that heat before it carries him away.

"Do you need a wipe?" Leland offers, although there isn't a single wipe in the place.

He watches Adrian flush, pant softly open mouthed as he shakes his head in the negative.

"Yeah I didn't think so." He says, cocky in a way that makes Adrian look at him shyly.

Leland chuckles and kisses him again.


End file.
